[Objective]

Just Write - First verse; allright. Nothing too exceptional in terms of rhymes, but allright. Decent introduction to the characters in the story, but you there were quite a lot of sentences that started with ''he'' which got a little bit repetitive towards the end. Beside of that it was cool enough.

Second verse abit better in terms of the ''he''-thing. Some lines are little bit long but can easily be fixed with certain adjustments like this:

''He'd talk to her endlessly, about the adventures we had.
She was the only one in his life, since being left by his dad.''
^ The second line here reads more fluently flow-wise as opposed to;
''She was the only one in his life, since being abandoned by his dad.''
I'd advice counting the syllables and do minor adjustments to try to get them closer to eachother. It helps the flow tremendously.
Same thing goes for this line;
Whenever he asked her about it, she would say, "Tommy, it was for the best"
Now look at this example;
When he asked about it, she'd say; "Tommy, it was for the best"
Basicly what I'm getting at is; Try not to stretch your lines if you can help it somehow. Less is more etc.

As far as the story goes it's allright. Nothing that really engages me too much, but it's cool nonetheless. The progression is good, but I'm still looking for somewhat of a climax that really drives me into the story itself as it's rather bland to me. Something out of the norm, but we'll see how the third verse comes along.

Allright, cool, the story is decent. And the closure; NICE! Kinda what I was looking for earlier, and to be honest I didn't think it would come. But you pulled it off. Really loved that ending!

Overall; The story could have been a lot better in terms of rhymes and flow. The story is kinda ''normal'' but perhaps that was what you were going for? Either way I really enjoyed the closure, that was really dope, definitely loved the concept and you nailed the topic with that shit.

El Pancake - Nice use of Zeitgeist, haha. Interesting opener. And about the DNA stuff and personalities, I think I've read some shit like that already actually. Like how people have looked into DNA patterns and how they coincide with mental illnesses and in theory how you could fuck with that shit to minimize the risk of your kids getting them before they're even born. Kinda crazy shit tbh. I might be wrong about this as it's some time ago I read the article I'm thinking about, but I'm pretty sure I'm right when it comes to that. Either way; I like that you mention this shit anyways and I'm looking forward to see where you'll take it.

I enjoy the fluent progression and it was interesting to read on about David. The story is quite depressing but cool nonetheless. I like your creativity in this, and I kinda got a Hunger Games feel to it tbh. Overall a decent verse although I think you could have been more creative with the ending. Don't know what I think about offing the guy.

Vote - I really liked Pancakes verse, but didn't really enjoy the conclusion. Just Writes verse wasn't really jawdropping as it could have been polished quite a bit, but the twist at the end definitely made up for it and nailed the topic. Although I enjoyed Pancakes verse abit better when I read it I felt Just Writes closure to wrap up his story edges it in his favor. Had Pancake been a wee bit more interesting in terms of that he'd get it.

To make it clear; Just Write gets my vote. Predicted Pancake to get my vote so this surprised me. Interesting battle.