VV - Interesting verse, entrenching for how much I took from it. I was a little lost after the first read, luckily Adonis' breakdown helped me out a bit after a third read. Your approach was dynamic and so was the way you came at it. I'd like for you to focus on emphasizing key parts that get lost in the menagerie. I've noticed your pieces can get chaotic - which is a good thing for the most part; at the same time, you want the reader to be right under your wings, being guided. This is at least my viewpoint.
MW - Steady flow, good content and focused subject. The issues I had with this was that there were moments of cliché, like 'fighting hard to suppress all these demons inside,' Usually in writing about confinement, mentioning an internal battle against demons is a green ticket, but everyone goes there. I felt like you have more unique lines to replace this but chose to go with something basic and accepted. Otherwise, my other complaint would be the late mention of the death by drunk driving that got the main character into all of this. If it was mentioned earlier on, I think you maybe could've elaborated on more details. This was a general, good verse. Not awakening though. I've seen better from you.
Vote - Vividlyvague
He did more with the topic.
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