Pat, not a bad read here. Was pretty abstract for the most part, wish you would’ve blended Stand and Randy’s personas more throughout the verse instead of bringing it in for a little bit in the middle, was too random imo. Flow was awkward at times. Concept wise it was decent, you fell into a prose/rant trap it seems but you more than made up for it with plenty of quotable lines and vivid, yet good imagery. Overall not a bad read, not bad at all I enjoyed it.
CK, I don’t even know what to say, tbh. Like, I read this 3 times, couldn’t get into it. The writing was so crisp though, the flow, wordplay, etc. It’s like I had no choice but to get into it because of how many well written lines there are. But for the story, It’s not coming complete to me. It might to others who vote, but it just leaves too many questions to be answered. Not digging that. There’s probably a minimal of 5 or 6 bars that were dope as fuck. Just need to dig out more details next time.
This is fairly close imo, but I have to give this to Patrown for having more of an impact. I wish cereal was more descriptive instead of getting caught up in the rhyme. This could go either way for sure. Sorry if it’s over my head CK, that can be both a good and bad thing. Dope read either way.
V.Patrown
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