Adonis surprised me here, I felt like he finally found that happy medium between his more poetic and prose like style and what we've come to know as a 'topical' verse in textcee terms. He merged the two well, the lines were crisp and short, giving us small flashes of character rather than just an out-an-out description. It definitely works, and I liked the tone used throughout, it was light-hearted and a thinly veiled dig at the opposition but done tastefully. I've not seen a topical done this was before, either, so it had that element of creativity to it.
Quote:
Mastered charades.
Picture perfect Pictionary. Masterfully – Ordinary.
|
I really liked that idea of 'masterfully ordinary', thought you did real well here.
Diode - I actually thought there was a lot to like about the opening, I always like knowing the sort of basis of what makes the person or thing tick and make them act a certain way or feel or change their moral and religious views somewhat. I thought this couplet was nice from the first verse:
Quote:
an infant born deceased tests the mettle of your balance
to say that mine was leveled is the best that i can manage
|
I just find it has a resounding ring of truth to it, maybe you just need to have been in that situation, but some things are difficult to put into words so I liked the admission of honesty almost in that line. It struck a cord with me, at least, because it was relatable.
The following verse again was really more tailored to my tastes, the whole getting to know where your ideas etc are developed from - by taking us through the different authors you gleaned from, I felt I could connect with it more. I loved the 'each human an intricate piece of the same puzzle' concept too, that was really strong, I didn't think it was too 'preachy' at all towards the closure. I think the pace was set and if anything you justified everything that came before by leaving it almost open-ended, but in a good way. The way you wrapped it up did the piece a justice IMHO, adding a weight of significance to what had been described prior.
Two solid showings again this week, I'm voting purely on personal preference and which piece appeals to me more, which was Diode's here. This could go either way though.
Much respect to both writers!