Patrown,
we both talked about yoda! Lol. This was great, more like a two parter. The first half was very visual and poetic and the second half starting with "stan was 32" felt a little less abstract and more personal. I love comparison references, for example the "like a 6'2 yoda.. built like a brick" it just always puts the image in my head and seems to get me (as an individual) involed more. the greed's your only enemy and also the reason you succeed was also another stand out line. My only problem is i fell off with the flow a few times but i do that a lot because every writer, writes at their own pace.
Cereal killa,
sup my dude! Man that section after the baby died was fire, really chilling man. Ill be honest up front with you. I read patrown piece once, i read yours like 3-4 times and just couldn't get into it. I meam i didnt really see where this fit together with the topic and i had to google a few parts to try to fully understand some parts. While maybe it was just my dumb ass not understanding, i dont ever want to work hard to read a verse. It makes me low key not want to judge it because i dont want to belittle a piece by me not getting it, ya know? As for the story though it was solid. I didnt like the first section though, well i liked the nobody loves ugly part lol. Reminded me of atmosphere. The second section is the part i didnt quite get. From the baby on i loved it.
Well this week im going to have to go with patrown
|