[PancakeBrah]

fresh -

The first section needed a lot of work. It was a lot of vocab for the sake of vocab. A lot of it was almost non sense. Or more accurately, the lines were trying to say something but the language you used and the density and sheer amount of wording you threw at it made it a chore to parse out. I knew what every word meant but they served no real purpose and only added unnecessary and convoluted "complexity". The second section was a little more straight forward but still had some wording issues. The relation to the topic was pretty simple, this was very much a 'topical' piece. You wrote about the topic in a conceptual sense. The metaphors you used, though, were either basic or cliche. Your verse against Diode was much better than this.

Pinot -

Nice verse here. Pam wasn't that fleshed out as a character (you sexist, I'm sure she had some feels too) which made this a little onesided but that's not a huge deal. This was good, it read easily and your wording was solid throughout. Your approach to the topic was one I would expect someone to do but you executed well. Instead of spelling it or putting the phrase in the verse you let it sink in slowly, allowing the reader to make the subtle connection. Good to see you writing again, this wasn't your best verse but it was good and showed why, even with a less showy verse, you're one of the best here.

Thanks for the read.

v/Pinot