[Lars]

Diode - The thing I always liked about your writing is your natural pacing and rhyme placement, it's really understated and a lot of writers try to fit in too much almost and their pieces end up becoming convuluted with too many multies or excessives that can be trimmed down. It reads so much easier when done like this, and you do it well, but people tend to look past how well it is done because of it coming off almost effortlessly. Some people might think that's a fault on your part, but I've done this long enough to see that as a big strength, you don't need to overcomplicate the idea or what you're trying to say - you're a straight shooter in that sense, you do what needs to be done without obsessing over the trivial things. I think you opened strongly, loved this first couplet to the second section:

and time marched ever forward as our protagonist grew
skipped grades ahead of peers as the passionate do

It seemed more punchline-esque than I'm used to reading from you, but it was a nice touch all the same, I didn't know you had that to your game.

I liked this too, mainly because I love running with what i call a 'dual-scheme' throughout my verses. From a technical aspect, this was dope to me, and I know how difficult this is to do well:

first there was the ceiling mural, then gymnasium wall
followed that with feelings plural in the atrium hall

Nice word choices also, kept my intrigue throughout. I agree with Trademark in so much as the second and third stanzas "painting" the visuals and making them stand out as my favourites, but you closed it out well too, good take to the topic.


Fresh: I don't think i've read much from you but I really liked what you did here, there's a lot to enjoy for a lot of the same reasons as I stated with diode's piece in the effect of you keeping it straightforward, an easy read, not so much technically but just a sound read that is easy to follow for the reader and enjoyable because of it. Again, this line stood out mainly because it was more punchline based to me than i'm used to seeing in a topical battle, but it stood out for the right reasons -

People soaked her story up like a towel, so she gave it a twist

It's dope, it was just unusual to see two topical heads have battle-type lines in their pieces haha! I liked the storyline more and more as it progressed but you almost lost me at the end with you ending it on some moral, it reminded me of Tales From The Crypt when you would watch the entire thing then he would have some terrible quip at the end to make. Maybe it's just me? I liked what you did with the entirity of the verse leading up to that, but ultimately I didn't like the way you ended things. It needed more subtlely, more open-endedness maybe? I don't know, you were both pretty evenly matched beside that, both with similar strengths to your game, it was just the execution and that's where I felt Diode got this.


Vote - Diode