he was a young boy.. only seven, but gifted
well beyond his years in both his fears and afflictions
mom worked as a waitress while his daddy's face formed shapeless
abandoned before birth, father serviced as a statement
to the hatred he held in, buried in his brainy basement
but the family forms a bond despite his dad's displacement
so fate went..
i really enjoyed your opening segment except for the word "brainy", it felt childish and out of place. i think you could have definitely worded that better.
upon approval he's released upon an unfamiliar world
knowing nothing but his artwork (which is all that he prefers)
I really liked these lines
overall i enjoyed your piece minus a few nitpicky things but i realize this wasnt a awol verse so it doesnt matter as much. i enjoyed the take on the topic as well. peace
Through the rest of her life with the fakest of smiles inlaid
So thirsty for attention that she could spot a rapist from miles away
So one day Jamie had an urge that she couldn’t resist
People soaked her story up like a towel, so she gave it a twist
When it all leaked out there was no cleaning the spill
The way she portrayed the man would end up getting him killed
I enjoyed this bit, probably the smoothest portion of the verse
a yellow Ferrari was careening rampantly invoking an unseen inception
[/B]I reallly hated this line, just too much going on and it just stuck out compared to the rest of the piece.[/B]
overall this was an alright battle, nothing spectacular about it but the hype is really exciting i have to admit. ok so i think diode had a better take on the topic where as fresh has some nice imagery. technical wise i think diode edged this one out and his schemes were a little tighter where as fresh's felt a little more off sync. i will admit fresh surprised me though and i think will be a good addition to the awol league but in this battle i'm going to have to go with diode for an overall better piece
mvgt=Diode
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