Wza- this was a piece on revelation while at the same time not revealing much. If this had a neater setup, language and proper use of vernacular in some places, this could have been a more damaging piece. I felt as though I've read this before or saw this somewhere in the endless conspiracy heaps on youtube. Not original or interestingly executed, but there was obviously some effort. Good try. Keep building on what you have.
Clockwerk- decent storytelling. However, it felt very detached and narrative vs enthralling. Strong structure with persistent, yet subtle rhyming. I think if there was no twist and that last line was absent it would finish as a strong piece on irony, whereas now it ends sort of 'meh'. I liked this but I think more could have been done here to draw the reader in... At least for that final piece that brought the story together. Good job.
Overall, both verses were pretty solid. WZA had an ok approach with sloppy structure and inconsistent rhyming, while CW had solid story and better structure. Thank you guys for showing and I hope you guys are still show next week. MVGT Clockwerk.
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Ahem.
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