Netcees - View Single Post - Week 1: sacrifice vs. Frank \\ Frank wins 11-1

Pinot Grij · 03-02-2014, 05:43 PM

Sacrifice, I gotta be upfront with the fact that I did get lost with this verse, even after a second reading. The diction was on point as usual, when you're rhyming inside and out it's like Muhammad Ali for me - ducking and weaving and throwing jabs, toying with you. The wording is effortless and mesmerizing - but while I'm usually drawn to the way you take huge concepts and bring them down to earth and breathe life into them, this narrative take was really difficult to access. It took three reads before things started to fall into place for me... even still the turn from the general leading his men into a siege then going to the social indictment of society seemed to be too much of a thematic shift. So, everything up to "I remember that Christmas..." played well, although it was difficult to get into.. but after that, I found things fell off.

Frank, I gotta commend you for being pitch perfect with the topic choice - spring training is underway and if you're a baseball fan like me, this was really fun to get into. But it's also the reason I'm really pissed at your verse, the progression makes no sense whatsoever... let me elaborate:

I read your verse under the impression that your hitter is at-bat for the entire verse, at least that's the way it appears... in that case, there can be only one runner on base... as you say, your runner steals second (So there's no one on second)... but then gets "gunned from a distance" once he's sent (the only possibility is that he's trying to steal third), which means there can't be anyone on third in the first place - so when you say "runners in position" there's really only one guy on base since the other two bases are open to be stolen and when he gets thrown out (along with the mom), then the bases are empty. So there can be no sac bunt of any kind... right??? I don't think I'm reading too much into this, the story is inherently flawed and that's just sloppiness, imo. I appreciate that this was more about the fun and whimsy of the game, but with such an inherent error in storytelling, I can't cosign this verse.

On this basis, I have to vote for Sacrifice... although I feel that there were flaws in the storytelling, the writing was still cool and the 1st half of the verse was on point, although difficult to access without multiple readings.

Hate at will.

03-02-2014, 05:43 PM	#15
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Sacrifice, I gotta be upfront with the fact that I did get lost with this verse, even after a second reading. The diction was on point as usual, when you're rhyming inside and out it's like Muhammad Ali for me - ducking and weaving and throwing jabs, toying with you. The wording is effortless and mesmerizing - but while I'm usually drawn to the way you take huge concepts and bring them down to earth and breathe life into them, this narrative take was really difficult to access. It took three reads before things started to fall into place for me... even still the turn from the general leading his men into a siege then going to the social indictment of society seemed to be too much of a thematic shift. So, everything up to "I remember that Christmas..." played well, although it was difficult to get into.. but after that, I found things fell off. Frank, I gotta commend you for being pitch perfect with the topic choice - spring training is underway and if you're a baseball fan like me, this was really fun to get into. But it's also the reason I'm really pissed at your verse, the progression makes no sense whatsoever... let me elaborate: I read your verse under the impression that your hitter is at-bat for the entire verse, at least that's the way it appears... in that case, there can be only one runner on base... as you say, your runner steals second (So there's no one on second)... but then gets "gunned from a distance" once he's sent (the only possibility is that he's trying to steal third), which means there can't be anyone on third in the first place - so when you say "runners in position" there's really only one guy on base since the other two bases are open to be stolen and when he gets thrown out (along with the mom), then the bases are empty. So there can be no sac bunt of any kind... right??? I don't think I'm reading too much into this, the story is inherently flawed and that's just sloppiness, imo. I appreciate that this was more about the fun and whimsy of the game, but with such an inherent error in storytelling, I can't cosign this verse. On this basis, I have to vote for Sacrifice... although I feel that there were flaws in the storytelling, the writing was still cool and the 1st half of the verse was on point, although difficult to access without multiple readings. Hate at will. __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.