lars - throughout, your scheme was predictable i kind of liked it. although i guessed a couple rhymes, the piece was solid. here you were kinda pushing it
Our reach rightly expands, along with the girth of our legs,
the arrival of mammals sees births without eggs.
this felt a little dry
With oxygen, Earth became more tenantable still
but lots of our early ancestors would be killed.
but overall you came with a fairly solid piece. approach and execution were solid. just felt like something was missing.
dead man - great stuff man. had a little problem here i'll nitpick
it was complete. they could unify. transcend the beyond
giving way to existential theory centuries on
i remember his expression as he looked at us all
for the very first time. and he sang us a song
his dialect was wavelength and molecular bond
harmonizing hurricanes to make his kingdom dissolve
it was freedom and loss. tragedy. the birth of a star
before he turned to stone, my father took a seed in his palm
you carried that assonance a little too far to drop "birth of a star" so quick. i was just left staring at a couple lines with a grand sense of expectence that wasn't satisfied.
content's really good.
/v lars - although dead man sounded a little catchier, i feel like lars came through with a more complete piece. great match tho. thanks to both competitors.
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