/v just write - great piece! favorite lines ..
From then on we were inseperable, whether, robbing a store or sippin a brew
(It's funny how a crime doesn't seem that bad when the one commiting it, is you.)
Survival instincts. You'd never understand if you grew up with a silver spoon
But me an franky didn't, we grew up stealing them from you.
haaah! nice intro stanza... entire thing was great. smooth transition into plots crux. great storytelling. this line was real rough..
The Worst part is i wanted to give him a daddy, cause that's what i never had
daamn. crazy piece though. real complete piece of work. coming hard this season, i see. ty.
objective - i feel like your first line is incomplete. perhaps the thought could have been continued further. i'm not sure i agree with your assertion our mods match making choices are equal to that of a "system of torture," but i did think it was kind of funny you said so.
not a fan of font colors. or claims of being accused of troll like activity. barbed wire flesh light was creative imo. rhymes in the first two stanzas are minimal.
i did like your last stanza though.. favorite lines..
My mind contains ideas but I'm constrained by limitation,
the universes powers combined can't control the situation.
Revelation comes forth by realizing that life welcome's the pain,
you have options, but it's just adaptations to Freedom in Chains.
i think those were really strong. i would've enjoyed an entire piece in the style of those last four. my advice to you is do not read your opponents verse before you start writing. i'm willing to go out on a limb and say you did.
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