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Old 02-28-2014, 04:16 AM   #9
patrown
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wza - you got nice flow man. really, sounds great. even though i don't particularly agree with "universal weakest race," when referring to humans.. i'll just continue forward.

everything you thought you knew,a by-product construed,to have the human mind caught in deluge,

^that needed to be broken up and slightly reworded . imho.

it's known the human mind is only operating at 10 percent capacity,
^liked that line in particular but it couuld have rhymed with the following one cuz it stuck out.
although big brother is there..
we are being watched,just ant's in a scope,

no apostrophe was needed there and yes you did just get grammar checked.

kinda lost me with the mayans extinct stuff. their dna is present in modern populations.
but i like how you finished. came across real, we don't really now if his story was truthful but you got a little cliche at times. still a good read i thank you for providing.

clockwerk - carrying rhymes real fluid like. enjoying this so far early on. you're a serious competitor..like how you carried rhyme . great writing. can't really point out any places where i didn't like your story. ended good, adds a fucked up tone that meshed well with the approach you take at storytelling. great drop.

/v - clockwerk came more fluid. wza had some great concepts that if developed would have given him the victory this week. clockwerk just came too sick, real clean. nice match.
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