[PancakeBrah]

She said that she loved me; childhood note with a box checked.
Played ring-around-the-rosie, since pacifiers and pog sets

This was a great opener. The rhyme was slick and the imagery was good. 'Pacifiers and pog sets' was nice. Good way to start.

She's always been emotionally offset. My bi-polar princess
But when i see her i disipate into her solar existence.

'Solar existence' was forced. I get what you were saying and maybe 'solar' makes sense (I don't think it does) but it was solely there for the rhyme. I liked how you structured the first line. By putting 'My bipolar princess' after the first sentence, and not the reverse, it had a much better effect. Almost condescending, but in reading the tone of the entire piece that wasn't what you were going for. Still, I liked it. Second line was a weak link wording wise.

No resisting, she instantly stole my heart from my chest.
If I was the target, cupids marksmanship never harbored neglect
When we were 10, Carved J+M in an oak tree with a carpenters pen
....It's those little details that im finding are hard to forget.

Using 'my' twice in the first line of this section felt a bit weird to me, I personally would've tried rewording it. Second line was solid, nothing crazy. I enjoyed the third line; it's a bit of a cliche but you're going for the personal touch (I'm assuming) in this piece so it seemed genuine and I liked the wording. Fourth line seems like a placeholder on the surface but the earnest nature, again, provides some depth.

Partial regret. I know, enough posts, but im just starting to vent
So i'll Spark another marlboro n' try to let go of everything spent

Not sure how to feel about the 'everything spent' wording. Maybe a little clunky? Also, did not like the the use of 'n''. You set a certain level of language usage with the lines prior to this and to use slang seemed a bit off. This seemed like a throwaway section to me.

Like the years, and how quickly they went, & how wasted they were
Affection was tainted with hatred, replacing what was sacred and pure
I just want someone to take it and make it a blurr
Cause containing this pain is like living in sickness with no claimable cure
Don't Label me, first try to see the pain i'm describing
Or maybe you canrelate & know a way to survive this..

Ending was okay, not as strong as the beginning.

I enjoyed the beginning of this piece but felt you tailed off a bit in the end. Overall I enjoyed this, mostly because these type of pieces are my favorite to read and write. I think you captured the feeling of being forlorn pretty well but some of the wording and ideas were generic. Felt genuine, which is probably the most important aspect. Just a bit too rote to be emotional enough to be great. Look forward to reading some more.