[oats]

my votes have finally been assailed by the failed reply button, so I'll try to recapture the magic of my previous vote

Lars: This was dope storytelling. I'm always impressed with how you can provide substance while maintaining a strong flow and rhyme scheme in such short lines without sounding awkward or forced at times. The story was paced well - it moved quickly, but I was still able to linger on the parts that I enjoyed long enough that I understood what was going on and could become enveloped in the story. I enjoyed the comparisons of life to gambling, though it seemed a little Kenny Rogers at first, but by the end it started to pick up more meaningfully - I wish those comparisons developed more, and sooner.

My main gripe here was the missed opportunity of characterizing the grandfather. I wanted to see his scars, find hints of what made him arrive at that knowledge he bestowed upon his grandchild. I think it would have paid off to know him a bit more. Overall this was a strong verse with crisp writing, but could have been developed more conceptually.


Vulgar: The moral tale of the ills of money is one that most can easily get behind, and it was an interesting angle to take from the picture. I enjoy these fantastical musings - you're always deft at creating an atmosphere to match your writing.

As far as the story goes, I think there were some pace-related issues. First, the niece who just jumped into a river for basically no reason. If this was just a detail, no problem, but this was a crux of the story; if she didn't unearth the orb, there would be no story. This moment seemed to brisk by much too quickly. Same with how the uncle was immediately thrust into murderous violence. Even in a fantasy world, these elements were not believable to me, and they struck me as abrupt and rushed.

Beyond that, I'm finding it hard, after multiple re-readings, how this came from the picture given. Perhaps your approach was just so peripheral of the picture that it's just not registering with me, but the tiny connection I picked up on of wealth/gambling seems a bit thin. If anything, this angle struck me as a poor strategy for the picture, a gamble if I must. I don't think it paid off this time.


Vote: I think Lars got it. Vulgar attempted more, but succeeded in less. Lars played it a little on the shallow side, but was successful in what he was going for. Good match to both men.