Originally Posted by Nigma
Make. Believe.
We were only seventeen! Both wild childs, but had good hearts
Our family lives have amplified the smiles we had bookedmarked
Solid opener. Solid multi's book mark/good heart etc.
I took to rye, she was more a Gewürztraminer wine girl
Bright as porcelaine diamonds, she was sure to shine up my world
Syllable count is off, and no idea how to pronounce
gewurztraminer...German wine no doubt?
We were forced to try and snort some lines as highschool soared on by us.
Our portrait was important, we conformed to hide in normal sight
soared on by us or on by us and hide in normal sight or
Normal sight....however it was intended....does not rhyme.
A chorus of adepts advise the forming of a mortal minded Mordecai
They said It’s time for an investment, spend in credit, it’s the best way!
I see normal sight/Mordecai rhyme(though odd place to do so)
Then best way doesn't rhyme with Mordecai but does rhyme with the next line
Best grades.....very weird scheming for text.
Just pay for education, pick a trade, obtain the best grades
The stress, it gave me chest pains, mind would wander where it shouldn’t
Syllable count is off.
I would ponder where they took him, why his sons life wasn’t looked at
Sometimes I’d find old books to read of father and his goodness
meh
Mom provides me with a bushel, and as eyes both stalk the pile
She confined one, said it’s gloomy and did not want me to look at it
Stalk the pile/look at it does not rhyme
Guess Dad was wild in his youth, it seems like all of us are crooked
But he glided up to Chief of the police before they took him
I suppose a little assonance could make this work.
Ratted by his own policemen, he was swallowed for a good rest
But was honored by his team and I responded quick with good sense
Meh not a fan....assonance or not.
Just like mice pursuing boots of cheese... I followed in his footsteps
. . .
Soon as I got off duty, just to swallow off the blues, I thought I’d call a hooker
Of all the slags to choose and send me, why’d the booker have to choose her..
Rhyming inner with end rhymes and then not having the
end rhymes rhyme....I'd say legit....dope...if I heard you
pull it off via microphone....but as text nah. Smh.
I described the bluish dress I had requested on the new girl
I’m Lieutenant. been accredited with excellence, the truths blurred
My blemish is embezzling percentages to screw girls
Deception in it’s method, yes unethical, but Lou serves them!
Tap, tap.. Finally! Race off to the door to find my maiden
She had huge curves, boobs firm, bet her juices mighty tasty
Her hat was slightly faded and it’s hiding sight from faces
Such nostalgia as she prowled, it’s the liveliness I’m craving
She said ‘Thousand for an hour’ price was high but I still paid it
To my amazement, as the hat tipped backwards and our eyes drew
I find the grace of my past chapter, lady love from back in highschool
As I go to make an action, grasp a thigh or maybe swipe her cooch
YOU BITCH! Its bad.. No sex for me, well SHIT, since I’m a cop, I’m screwed
She quickly flips a badge and then arrests me for soliciting a prostitute
I'm skipping to the end. The entire piece is off and on like that.
Bottom line is(in my personal preference and personal opinion)
End rhymes must rhyme. Inner can rhyme with other inner
And the end rhymes....but the end rhymes must still rhyme with other
end rhymes....
There ARE a couple exceptions if pulled off correctly...
But that is nor applicable here.
My two cents
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