Son - H4ZE
Father - UNLM
Have you met my father? You really should that dude is fascinating
From the things he does to the music he's making, he's truly amazing
Pretty basic here rhyme wise. Lyrically it's a pretty weak opener..
You spent two lines saying you're dad is fascinating/amazing.
I'm proud to have him as a father,every thing he does is great
He's the best,since I was a toddler he's put nothing in my way
In the first line you're dad is facinating, second he is amazing, third
You're proud and everything he does is "great"...fourth line
he's the best.....lyrically pretty weak and pretty elementary the way you're
emphasizing his greatness. We understood he was great and fascinating
since the first bar....you should have then made you're next
bar explain why he's so great...WITHOUT repeating he is great.
He never does anything to hurt me,he helps me when I need it
He says he'd never desert me like other fathers do, I believe him
He never put things in ya way and he'll never hurt you
or desert you...you believe him. Ok fair enough.
Cuz he's been the greatest all my life, he's never treated me bad
We never argue,conflicts are resolved through speaking relaxed
*sigh* and now ONCE AGAIN we're back to you
describing how he's the "GREATEST" and a repetition of how
He'll never hurt you(AS IF WE DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU PREVIOUSLY)
My fathers always been there to protect me, he won't let me be hurt
And Every single time I'm upset he gets me up from the dirt
AGAIN? lol. Why repeat how much he protects you and helps you?
You might as well throw a "he's great" in there now lmao.
He's the best, I've never seen him get into trouble
Every time were low on money he somehow gets through the struggle
Wow, I guess he is "THE BEST" lololol. At least you mentioned
something new this bar, he survives despite being poor.
I don't know how he does it, but he's the best father ever
And he's always there to help when I'm left with all the pressure
AND NOW BACK TO HE IS THE BEST FATHER EVER
AND let me guess....he helps you? Lyrically this whole thing is weak thus far
You need to work on ya game. Metaphors and similies would help you.
Through struggle and pain my dad will be there for me, I know it
He supports the family with out complaints, he doesn't mind mowin
Well, thank God he mows the lawn. Superdaddy.
He never treats me wrong,its always love from my father
He helps me chase my dream, of becoming a boxer
Whoa, like a heavy handed straight right...boom
Suddenly you're an aspiring boxer....no progressive story
Just throw this on ya readers and surprise them
And he supports me writing raps, even when I curse and scream
He always tries to hang with me, it's like his whole world is me
Best bar of the drop....you didn't mention he is the best
And you made an attempt here to connect the reader to ya dad
Good job.
No matter what I fall Into he's always there to catch me
And if I need help he'll help me no matter where I'm at see
So h4ze, would you're dad help you? Lololo
He's awesome,every single day he's doing something nice
He's the best father I could ask for I truly love this guy
At this point I'd have been sad if you didn't end it with
he's the best. Lol.
Overall you need a lot of work.
I was kinda a ass in how I fed
I apologize but it was funny.
My feed is still legit though minus the attitude
Use it or stay whack.
Oh son...
I'm the worst fucking guy you can possibly imagine
My body is ravaged, mind leaves me constantly abandoned
As odd as I can be, my son honestly loves me with a passion!
It was tough to fathom how he could wanna be me in action
My daily policy is sodomy with no compassion!
No apology as I dump the kid at his boxing distraction
I run for some ass, gin and succumb to past sins I miss back when
I was laughing on acid, passing my time on my fatal attractions
Now I'm dashing to take his teacher's sister n' twist her in rough fashion
Rip off her clothes and fasten her to the bed covered in satin
Then finish in magic fashion, with my cannon blasted with power
My dignity flattened, sadness settles so I start to scour
For some scotch to sour this bad taste while I hit the shower
Go back to my son boxin', all this in under an hour!
I'm a coward, lie and say I have to mow lawns in the evening
But I sell and do drugs in the city - don't know how i'm breathing
Cause I tell him I'm never leaving, comfort him till he gets sleepy
Then dial some sleazy hoe for my needy need to get freaky
As my son's deeply dreaming, I'm being seedy, freely cheeky
I tell him we're poor, I'm greedy, say we're lucky to even be eating!
Drugs leave me meekly trickin him...taught him bout rapping, now he's schemin'
Beaming, but I really just don't want him to hear the whores screaming
Shit..i'm a weedy addict...always in trouble as I stumble by
My son, he's the best I could ask for...he's truly a gullible guy
I know I havent been feeding on oms or anything but I will soon. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.