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Originally Posted by Objective
Edit: HOLY MOTHERFUCKER, THIS POST IS TOO LONG. I MUST SLOW DOWN. THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH. I BROKE MY RECORD OF LONGEST TL;DR. Apologies, I understand it if no-one reads this crap. But yeah, this is how my brain works, this is basicly just the start of 5-15 minutes of trying to sleep, it's just that I wrote small bit of it down for you guys.
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I read it yo.
you're at the brink dude - at least it was for me.
trace all your separate points, and your depression, back to the polarity of existence.
Remember - when they built that city, they were dreaming lucidly 3 levels deep. When I first began lucid dreaming consistently, a natural progression is "dreaming within a dream", because it's how your subconscious counters your conscious awareness of it. My dreams became more aligned to my waking state. I'd wake up in a dream in the same bed I fell asleep in. So I countered it by "looking for a sock on the floor" and shit before I fell asleep, only to learn the truth that it's not the way to battle the subconscious - it's always aware of your conscious.
Point being - if what you're saying is honest, and I have no reason to believe it isn't, you're on the brink. That brink can end really awesome or really poorly...
so figure out polarity, and other than that, shit..
I'd defer to someone like V who does it for a living.... i'm just a dude living the thought your conceiving.