this was a pretty good battle. split i loved your opener and also the tonight's a night astroids like to devour was probably my favorite line of the battle. just idk, loved that part. my problem is everytime i read one of your pieces i get lost with the schemes you use and it's hard for it to flow right.. to me, or maybe i'm just too stupid to pick it up, ionno. still a very above average read and i enjoyed your word usage for example, vigorous ritual/click of a pistol was nice
it all seems a dreamscape. an impossible sequence.
i'll talk of your death in a haikuterized philosophical thesis.
one I scrawled by your breathings, till they stalled into vapors,
by the unoperable table the doctors' saw Occam dawn on the razor.
contortions of sinew switched in a vigorous ritual
from living to corpse, like a click of a pistol,
a gritty divorce, from brimming with warmth
to eclipsed by infinity. a shell that's been torched.
^^fav section
certain,
i very much enjoyed this read, a little more simple in terms on vocabulary but to me I like reading (and writing) more simple pieces because it conveys a message more clearly to the reader. yes it's great to show off an extensive vocabulary but not necessary when you have toe ability to show emotion and express sound thoughts.
I've got nothing much to say.
I've got so much to do, but gumption fades.
And if you work hard enough,
you, too, will stop giving a fuck someday.
Baritone creaking. Standing sideways on the broken path.
That's about the time I felt the ocean splash.
Ebb and flow. You're playing with my convulsions,
and my hope has passed.
Every joke and laugh exposes throats to chokes and gags,
and I'm already coughing enough as is.
^^perfect example this portion was beautiful (no homo)
this was a very good battle, a lot closer than the votes are showing but i think there was just a little spark (like what i did there?) that made certains verse stand out more imo so i'm gunna give my vote to him. again, great battle guys. love reading pieces from both of you. stay up
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