ZenLand:
I kept picturing Mos Def as I was reading your verse... The ending line was dope, your beginning line was noticeably less so... The topic wasn't fresh or new.. probably one that everyone has done atleast once in their writing career. You brought up some good points and such, but I wish you had delved into these points a bit more.. Overall, it read a bit like a list of facts rather than something more substantial.. From a technical aspect, not really anything I'd want to pick out as being bad.. The lines did feel a little stretched at parts, but I personally think the notion of judging flow based on a written piece is a bit ridiculous, so I don't really put much weight into that area.
bleak:
For a key, this is pretty impressive, and this is the kind of chill beat that works for it. Like ZenLand, the topic here wasn't ground breaking by any means... But it was enjoyable to read.
Quote:
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Blastin holes in the night til she bled sunshine
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was dope.. reminds me of that one song by Atmosphere..
There wasn't really much to delve into for either piece, as both were very blunt and direct with the points they were making...
Vote: bleak. Overall, I just enjoyed his more this time around..