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Old 03-10-2013, 11:04 PM   #10
Frank
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Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



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Split.

This was wordy and I like words. You style is cool cause it overloads the brain. You write in puzzles and I think your one of the more consistently interesting writers. I think your on the horizon of your own flow but your still finding yourself. You have a poetic candence that tip toes the tight rope. Your style needs time to develop but here are excerpts where I felt your flow was nasty.

a scholar archaeologist, trapped between gut and enterprise.
cold, foreboding, basking in a city mummified.
abandoned as if on a whim, a metropolis once sprawling

running through water from impending echolocation,
peripherals dripping black death crescendo's in his visor's casing.
Diving in and out of blindness, intervals of mental panic

and this was a noble visual.

the filthy mud hasn't quite yet settled in these centuries.

Aesthetic.

Don't listen to the ION haters. Theres a right way to pull those ION lines off and you did it. Your flow was fast paced and the verse was over before it began. Good adrenaline rush.

Im thinking the thoughts rain, like sinks drinking.
Slowly sinking seduced by the weekend.

emotions run wild, like a forest's child.

Overall.
Cool battle - vote goes to split
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