[Certain]

You try to rhyme so much, and you do, but I don't think you consider syllable stresses enough. This is a consistent issue, probably your biggest. Rhymes should come off naturally, but you stack them so deep that the awkward ones really stand out. A good example was this couplet:

"My blemish is embezzling percentages to screw girls
Deception in it's method, yes unethical, but Lou serves them"

Aside from saying "Deception" instead of "Deceptive," everything works really well there until the last rhyme. Then, because you demanded "girls" be two syllables or the rhyme not match up and because the wording was weird, it comes across as really forced. There seems to be about one of these instances every four lines or so in most of your verses, and if you cut those types of things out, you'd really improve.

In general, I think it would help your verses read more naturally if you backed off of the internal rhyming. Your rhymes are not particularly complex, they're just frequent, overly so, and they dominate the discussion of your verses and come across as more important than the content as a result.

Anyway, aside from those lumps in the rhyming, this was OK at best. I think you are much, much better when you focus on grander aspirations and more abstract writing than this sort of down-to-Earth human storytelling.