[Eŋg]

zygote - this was a confident piece of writing. very clean yet uncompromising with no frills. it was technically sound, yet there is almost something elementary about aspects of it, it could just be your manner of telling a story. thought the first and last stanzas were particularly good. the entire passage relating to Lord Venka and the lepers threw me a bit, tbh. this is a well known parable? it resonates with me vaguely. in fact, Venkateswara does too. can't place why though. for the last three seasons/begging for death seemed almost like an inverse of the given quote. the entire middle passage sandwiched by the pensive first and last stanzas felt like a longcut (as opposed to a short one). i found the writing good, the analysis of the human condition through subtle means interesting, i just came away from the piece a bit bemused. forgive me, i am pretty burnt out by this point and i miss something painfully obvious relating to the two parts of this, i am a leper.

bwahaha - i think that's you. do you actually study scansion? i hate it. i find it's a very imprecise science. but there are patterns to observe, extract and appreciate in meter, even if i loathe the pretense of a lone diacritical mark an author places on his work. get the entire fuck out of here. don't tell me how to read. sprung rhythm is interesting though, probably cause we all write free verse? i decided while i'm rambling i'd address that comment about editing in my verse -- yea, i changed it thrice. each time was a typo because my proofreads where with half-open eyes. i would have changed it structurally/punctually but yea lazy. a bit. anyway... i've never seen you write like this... it was a treat. in the first stanza the florid composition cut crudely by 'i knew where to feel you up'. lol, showed something that would happen a few times. humorous. tongue in cheek. but such potent imagery. unassailable conviction in your own writer's voice -- chameleon like in its subtle switches between segments. where each marked a small shift in style. pretty fucking interesting. i want to read it again. some stuff definitely went over my head, not by definition (i mean, i googled Orinoco but that was it. promise), but in terms of arrangement, there's a density here. it's crushing work. zygote is a talented fucker, but i thought you handily out-wrote him here. impressive.

v/bb