baron - while i can't hear you on a mic, your pengame is exceptional. very lineal, consumable, writing. where the proto-typical story was interesting but predictable in the frame of the quote. i saw the end about halfway through. that actually doesn't matter, as a) it was a creative take on the topic and b) your mechanics/succinct wording, as the vehicle, really carried this piece. the premise was just adequate. laconic lines which packed enough in a narrative sense also boasted something close to a rhythmic harmony. from a technical standing i can appreciate this is sharply-honed. it almost seemed didactic at times, but not in the derogatory sense. the best aspect was the gradual cognitive evolution you detailed. ironically: For arguments sake wasn't. would be hard to topple this.
certain - very diff. stylistically. more typical -- a contained short-story, in rhymed verse, basically. i often find dialogue a sticking point with writing like this, thankfully you dealt with it aptly. tbf, in your composition you came across like a very seasoned writer. the repetition of Master is clearly placed to emphasize the servile narrator's zealotry. in a weird way, i feel your ability to characterize overruled the need to do that -- though i could just be saying this because the repetitions annoyed. the word mauve felt a touch sketchy, and maybe jubilantly, but i wouldn't realistically pick any glaring flaws from your verse. i liked this, genuinely. i thought it was arguably a more creative take on the topic, but not quite as fitting.
v/lars. great battle.
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