oxus, interesting approach. came across kind of overly descriptive but that was your chosen style and you made it work. I feel like instead of progressing your ideas you sort of laid a constant barrage of imagery and diction that related to the topic but anything more that that was hard to follow after one read. I feel as though if I were to study this piece there would be a lot more to grasp, but time is of the essence. I enjoyed this for what it was
Spitz, this was an ambitious verse. I'd almost say you tried to do too much conceptually too quickly, at the end of the verse I felt as thought it was a unique spin on the concept but also like there was lots I did not understand. Your opener was nicely written with a poetic veil to it, from there I felt lost at times and the whole verse didn't really come together for me. The writing was there, just felt like it needed a more straightforward advancement in terms of plot
+1 oXus
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