The opening lines might be why people haven't commented on this yet. It isn't really engaging, showing off rhymescheme or that interesting. It could be smart to think about the first lines like; ''Will this engage the reader to care enough to read the rest?'' I'm not saying it's wack, it just wasn't that interesting. It made me wonder why and where you'd go with it, but some might need that little extra. The same goes for the last 2 lines, you want the reader to end your verse the way they entered it; With a great impression of your work. When you manage to do that people can overlook a few mediocre/bad lines/fillers in between. It's just some piece of advice, do what you like with it.
''My charm has deceased as I'm always picked on & have to harbor the grief...
im not 'hard' or 'part of the street' so i get spit on as their harm is unleashed...''
^ Liked this tho', actually, I think I'd make this my opening lines.
Since you keep a ongoing rhymescheme in the first verse I'd advice to use some transition when you switch up the rhymes at the end. I'm thinking about the last two lines in your first verse here.
''Just like I predicted dad passed out and I got the key to the safe...''
^ Ok.
''so drunk when he did it like I don't know he keeps it underneath the vase...
just keep my pace, up the stairs he wont wake up, and he calls me a waste?...''
^ Horribly worded imo.
''not stressin when i go to sleep friends underneath my pillow case...
At least im doing something productive Dad your drunk and still a waste...''
^ Repetition of the words ''a waste'' and ''underneath'' isn't a good look.
I understand where you're going with the second verse but the execution is pretty bad. Looks like a draft imo and could be polished quite a bit.
''no need to brush teeth as i show em who's really the shook fag...
it's all smiles at the bus stop i have no reason to look sad...''
^ Kinda forced multi here with the ''shook fag'', the wording is rather off-putting as well. Same thing goes for ''book bag'', it sounds unnatural.
The concept of the last line was dope. I liked that.
Overall I think you should focus on keeping a coherent focus to your sentences. I can see your attempt at keeping a rhymescheme which I felt you did pretty well in the first verse but it got worse as the piece went on. Something I try to do myself is to not sacrifice a coherent meaning or content for the sake of rhymes unless I manage to do both at the same time.
''My charm has deceased as I'm always picked on & have to harbor the grief...
im not 'hard' or 'part of the street' so i get spit on as their harm is unleashed...''
^ This shit was the best lines imo, if you had kept the quality somewhere close to this throughout the piece I think it would have been pretty dope.
When it comes to storytelling I'd analyze some verses/mc's when it comes to that. The last verse in Apathy's school might be smart to take a look to see how he worded it and approached it, maybe you'll get a couple ''aha-moments'' or something;