Quote:
Originally Posted by Smooth
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I'll comment on it here since it isn't on NC;
This was 100 times better than what's above imo. Cool descriptions and mostly shit that makes sense and not just seemingly random out of the blue sentences that hold no real relevance when it comes down to it. One thing is being abstract, another thing is making sense while you're at it.
If you compare the Fiji tiger-line to this;
'''Huge' on romantics, I'm Vandross with white orchids.
Il do a show in sand dunes with banjos and pipe organs..''
You can easily see a serious difference in how it makes sense while still being unique, you know?
Also, to feed the piece you showed me;
''I'm quick to share a cherry sprite and listen to Barry White.
I've found a Satin Soul I've been missing since forever..
I zone in when hunger hits and smother it as supper comes..
..float springs in subtle ships an smuggle bits of summer's sun.''
^ It's dope that you switch up the flow, but the second line here kinda sticks out as a sore thumb because nothing in the line really connects with anything rhymewise. Enjoyed the last two lines quite a bit tho'.
Although nursery rhyme-ish the switch up works 100 times better here;
''Dress up in phyre fashion.. 'Captains hat with ray bans'..
Ghadafi was the shit..
..tigers captured at my base camp..''
The verse you linked to as a whole seems pretty solid to me, rhymescheme being mostly on point without getting redundant and lots of imagery to follow through the flex ish. Compared to what you posted above this is dope as fuck. Looking forward to read more of the thought out shit from you and not just rhymes upon rhymes that doesn't lead anywhere.