Uh-oh, perhaps some missed opportunity to better compare the decadence of Rome (all the eating/drinking/orgy parties) with the Western Roman empires eventual downfall. I get that it happened much later than the events of this retelling, but it would have been a good added element, just to add in something extra like that. It was a good technique as well to write about Augustus without mention to any name just HE. Also, the Cato quote + topic quote work together as an biographical comment on Caesars abstinence from the decadence of his time, that he was successful while shunning the high-culture etc. It’s a bit of a recurring theme from your last week’s submission too, just with a different setting. Also good expression in the start showing a one minded determination, ambition to conquer and have absolute power. Perhaps the contrast between the individual and the society was not emphasized enough to make it 100% effective.
Oats, enjoyed the comparisons, vastly different settings similar values, a good comment on the unchanging nature of the base human condition. Enjoyed the joke about the 4 F’s of human motivation, “feast/fuck/fight and flee.” Very cynical and dry humor, I was mostly laughing throughout, the sarcastic-ish tone is evident from the very first two lines, so it was good pacing. Not every line was a winner in terms of comedy, some were a bit off. Also the second paragraph's more serious content, was a good framing device to give everything a bit more context, it was perhaps the least entertaining part but also the most necessary for overall cohesion. Many good one-liners written in an entertaining joking way. Voting for Oats.
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