Zenland excelled in the aspects of multirhyming, only criticism is that some lines are cliche (E.g., The ending) also in some parts it seemed like you would use a simile/metaphor just for the sake of using one (E.g., "The Wall street Mages"). Bleak, felt the story was superficial, seems like you wanted to go the hard-struggle approach but it was too descriptive and lacked emotional depth, even when discussing the emotions it was only on a surface level. E.g., the revelation at the end about the Mom has cancer. Highlights for you verse was the bystanders line. Voted for Zenland.
|