[big baby]

uh oh: dope. the context of your writing wasnt expected, but other than that it was cool. the caps is a funny little novelty of yours, and I like it. I know when I'm reading an uh oh verse. But mechanically, the gut of your verse had a repetitive scheme to it, just a-b-a-b-a-b and it read almost like a structured prose rather than a stream of storytelling. That wasnt bad, but I've seen a lot of writers on here conform to that, when there's really tons of way you can altar a rhyme without succumbing to the same schemes! That didn't bother me, just something I took notice off like right here.

"ND TOLD MARK ANTONY HE WAS THE BEST, AND DIVINE
HE SAID ON THE MORROW HE'D STRIKE WEST FROM THE RHINE
DOWN SOUTH TO THE RUBICON FOR THEIR TEST OF HIS PRIDE
IF HE WENT UNARMED THEY'D ARREST HIM AND TRY HIM
BUT IF HE WENT UNDER ARMS, THEY'D BE BESTED IN TRYING
HE WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY DRUNK, STUPID AND WEARY
BUT ADDRESSED THE 13TH POSSESED WITH JUPITERS SPIRIT"

possessed*. ironically that line was a little fuzzy to me. I understand the content being displayed here, I just didn't think it was thought out to its fullest extent. A good verse to a decent quote, by one of my favorite writers. I never took notice of you till now, in relation to the topic you were quite good. I enjoyed it. I just think you couldve tied in a few underlying concepts better.

This was an absolute doozy though

"EMPEROR SHIT. EVEN CATO TOLD US
HE WAS THE ONLY MAN TO TRY TO OVERTHROW THE STATE WHILE SOBER"

Made me chuckle, and actually had a lingering sense of grandeur. What you didnt fully entail was a sense of character involvement. As reading the finale of your verse, I really didnt seem invested in who or what, or how it happened, just exactly *did* happen. It was just he. But I don't know if he is one person or two or 10. That's the thing, you did have a chronological timespan for a reasonable conclusion on what, referencing some obscure places and things, but these weren't completely correlated. But they were, everything was tied down pretty good, but I felt you couldve done more to securely tie it down. Other than that everything was recorded heavily. A minute writing. Oats did a lot too. The reason why I like oats compared to a few other top tier topicalists is because he actually has the audacity to explain something to you, or make it so your brain is in third gear, not sixth. I don't want to have a dictionary, or wikipedia open at all times reading your verse. This is coming from someone who memorizes wikipedia pages. No, but in all seriousness. I feel your strength is manipulating audiences and just understanding them, understanding you. Your mechanics have always been there, and honestly at this high of a level if someone likes your weird story compared to flawless mechanics, that's sort thrown out of the window, as we can see per Soulstice. Lol. But the other way around.


Your story spoke seriously, then not so seriously.
It had a bit of satire, from my perspective, and i thoroughly enjoyed it.

"picture this: a world of people drowning in their own hopes just to breed
for the most part yeah they know where to pee, but when they do they go all over the seat
they put on a show just to meet people that could potentially mate
and determine if they’re a worthy person off their scent and their shape
where self-expression is native - if they said it they meant it -
sounds like either Cro-Magnon caves…or every bar or club you’ve ever attended

so talk shit, scratch your nuts, drink till every bitch is a compatible mate
feast/fuck/fight and flee till the world becomes your own planet of Apes
and for a man of your make, I impart the final wisdom of this little bar
always do sober what you said drunk -
that’ll teach you how much you’ve forgotten what you really are"

That last line was killer. Nice quick, sexy little piece. I loved it. Vintage, raw, ambiguous and not too off kilter to fully enjoy and read. Almost like an excerpt out of a book where the main character is reminiscing on dialogue that he read in a hipster book about 3-4 years ago with his buddy Skip who likes fixing cars in his spare time but has an abusive girlfriend with an amazing ass.


a humble monkey’s descendant, hyper-bred to the apex
practicing safe species survival instead of safe sex
from the trees and mountain havens to ravines and down to plains
we achieved a clout and range till there was no scent of an ape left

this was cool, but I don't know why you're mentioning monkeys. I'm kidding. I do. This was the piece I mentioned earlier about some writers taking a trip to a risky satirical prose. I still think you overpowered your opponent in nearly all aspects and that ensured a close victory. But ,the way you had this neanderthal transition to drunk social gatherings, was atypical. I mean typically, yes, these are gatherings where you go to have fun, and they're so oblique that, we're accustom that if we see someone attractive that it's fine for them to approach you while inebriated or vice versa. But you added a slight twist that I wish you expanded on, the whole ending was a bit quick, I wish you actually expanded on that. You had such a quick transition for it all to end that I sorta question whether it was part of the whole gig, or that you didn't have time since you were so busy in Hawaii or something. This spoke greatly to me though, a very close battle with a lot of good references. Uh-oh had this roman war, gladiator empirical semblance mixed in with a narrative objective. Oats had a satirical seminar, weaved in with brutal comparisons of modernist and subjective views based on human intelligence and evolving as a species. Which was a really odd route to take on such a quote. Maybe it was an idea that wasn't pertaining to the quote itself and you adapted it, maybe? IF so, it worked out pretty good. Thank you gentlemen, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thanks.