lol uh-oh's favourite topic take to tackle so its no surprise he had the facts and storyline to suit this perfectly! I'm a great fan of the Romans and Greek mythology so this verse was ideally suited to me and its clear to me the verse was well thought out, though I agree with certain in so far as there being so many names dropped in short succession that it can be slightly confusing for the reader - especially when coupled with the fact you kept this relatively brief for what would have been such an epic event from the past in history haha!
Quote:
HE WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY DRUNK, STUPID AND WEARY
BUT ADDRESSED THE 13TH POSSESED WITH JUPITERS SPIRIT
FIRED UP THE TROOPS WHO WERE WHOOPING AND CHEERING
AND GAVE OFF THE IMAGE AND ILLUSION OF FURY
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I loved the carry-over multi string used here, good display of your skill, uh-oh is largely underrated here but the guy has always been solid when it comes to topical writing. He deserves credit and recognition where due.
I also feel this is your strongest topic because you've always been so invested in it and have a good background knowledge, maybe more so than the majority of readers who'll peep this, and so maybe you glossed over some parts that they could have perhaps used including to give them more of an idea or a background to them? by not really delving into the characters and building them up imagery wise or with no character development, its hard to become emotionally invested in them or to ultimately care about what happens to them - I think had you done that to a further extent, it would have helped you more so. good showing though, shame you don't enter these things more often bro.
Oats: Dopesauce. I wasn't sure where you would take this from the offing, but that was a good sign, it kept me entertained and wanting to read on to find where it was headed! Real smooth transitions, alluded a little to Evolution which is something i'm a huge fan of also, really well worded and paced and just an awesome writers voice coupled with a strong flow which probably comes from your poetry reading etc so you're probably the most natural at that out of all the writers left in this competition. You ended really strong, creating what I call a universal ending where all of us can relate to whats been said.
Quote:
so talk shit, scratch your nuts, drink till every bitch is a compatible mate
feast/fuck/fight and flee till the world becomes your own planet of Apes
and for a man of your make, I impart the final wisdom of this little bar
always do sober what you said drunk -
that’ll teach you how much you’ve forgotten what you really are
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I just had to quote that entire last sequence, there was some dry humour in there, which I'm always glad to see, as well as a great point drilled home and magnified which I had no idea was coming as I started out. I left pleasantly surprised. I can see you going on to win the whole thing.
Vote - oats