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Old 01-26-2014, 07:46 AM   #6
Lars
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Wolverhampton
Posts: 1,588
Battle Record: 5-0


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- The Winter Topical

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Big Baby - Loved some of your wording in this, "greenish feather leaflets" and "picnic painted pastel" were great use of poetic imagery early on that leant well to the topic. This is probably the most cohesive drop I've read from you on a whole, less vague and more vivid with a creativity throughout that lends well to your style. I'd liken it to the Wise Ways piece from last round in that respect, I noticed a few call your style 'abstract' but I'm not sure that's how I would describe it here, this is a lot more coherent than your paragraph pieces, but still with enough of that crazy mental picture painting that i's undoubtably "you" at the helm. You closed strongly as well, great tie-in, real impressive work.

Zyg - I have to agree with Certain as far as the blind men/elephant fable, I thought the section leading up to it felt weaker and not of the same standard I'm used to reading from you. Your wording in your battle raps is far greater than it appears in topical writing, perhaps that's your forte, but for some reason in these shindigs you just don't connect with me on the same way. It was a great attempt, the diction used when the characters were speaking again let you down though, it just came off unnatural and robotic in parts... it could be due to you being a foreigner, I don't know, and it's hard to come across natural with speech in pieces like this where it has to rhyme - but when it's done well it's noticeable, and equally when it's not. I didn't feel it was here. It's a huge stickler for me, personally, when reading these pieces. I actually enjoyed the piece, it's not one of your strongest verses, but was solid. I just felt like Big Baby took this and relatively easily here. His wording, writers voice, and closing statement just resonated stronger with me.

Vote - Big Baby
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