Thread: star child
View Single Post
Old 01-20-2014, 04:03 AM   #4
zygote
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 501
Battle Record: 33-12

Accomplishments
- OM HOF (2x)

Champed
- Art of Writing League (3x)

Rep Power: 737828
zygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant future
Default

"lobster and steak. my method's growing harder to read" - you should eat something then continue your report. Joke aside that whole last part was excellent, the last line in particular is great and cynical. "feeling lucid. Jesus Christ inside a carpenters dream" - could be a good novelty t-shirt catch phrase. The 'showing remorse - emotion en forme' was a very impressive and fancy rhyme. Also enjoyed the subtle switching of the rhyme technique in this section:

"full throttle revolver. six-shot Yosemite sharp
the only single animal let into the Arc
china doll. eyes an inky black. calligraphy mark
we're toxic like exhaust fumes and a sensitive heart" - it is cool how it was a little different every second line rather than the x4 that preceded it.
zygote is offline   Reply With Quote