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Old 01-19-2014, 04:56 PM   #14
Angkor
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Trap - So does this have anything to do with Adam and Eve? lots of religious connotation but i'm unclear on what exactly is going on. I think most confusing to me was the voice. At one point it was as if you were speaking from the child's perspective then suddenly, you drop lines as if the narrative was spoken from the mother's side. What i do like was the descriptive language. The flow was excellent so you're definitely not new to this. But yea, i just couldn't get into this verse due to the clarity.

Copy - While ur opponent went on some ambiguous (almost pretentious) ramble, yours was a bit too cliche. One line did stuck out to me:

Quote:
But we live for the summers, no one’s sorry if they tan
not sure why, but that line got a chuckle out of me. So this is a verse that would probably get a stamp of approval by environmentalist but as a topical, it's almost as overdone as suicide piece. But for all its lack of originality, there were some pretty cool lines scattered about.

Vote - I'll be honest, i really wanted to vote for Trap because of the way it was written. Ambiguity (at least i think so) are often device for depth...unless it isn't. I felt the vague nature of the piece may be a product of creative drought. However judging by the mechanics, it was very well written so i know Trap can get silly with it if he wanted to. Ultimately, if i was to close my eyes, and blank my mind and forced myself to think of Trap's verse, i don't know what i would conjure up. But if i do the same with Copy's verse, i'd see images of environmental desecration, fallen trees, floods and all that common pro-environmental imagery lol. Combine clarity with the fact i think copy edged Trap just a little in the technical department, i will have to give my vote to CopyPat.

Last edited by Angkor; 01-19-2014 at 05:00 PM.
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