Fuck I just lost it all thanks to my phone.
Mrj - I liked what direction you took the verse in but I feel like there were a couple of big things working against this verse. The first is I think u were tryinf to be too lyrical and that did 2 things - it made the read tedious, in this case, and i think it hindered the characterization. The second thing is the verse felt stagnant. I know the verse relied on characterization but it became redundant in spots. Overall the verse went in a positive direction but it fell flat of what it could have been.
Witty - the flow and wording were butter. The writers voice was spot on and the emotion was prominent. Characterization was excellent and the underlying messege made the story complete. This verse had the formula of an excellent writing. ..it felt a little winded at times but always brought interest back instantaneously. Probably my favorite verse of the week
@
Mr. J @
Witty