NYCSPITZ - I feel like I should be hard on you because I expect only the best from you. Lyrically, you put on a lightshow, but how bright do the materials burn and for how long? In my estimation of this piece's flammables, not explosive but stagnant eruptions. Or maybe I just subconsciously resent it because we both used the word "ravine" this week. Alright, so an orchestra virtuoso kid likes to climb mountains but mommy grounds him for reaching for his highest goals. He kills her. The clues are everywhere in this, like "...decision making apparatus stoned...blood pools" - it's a weird way to refer to a mom, lol. The "monster within" and "given to sub-equatorial fall" or a fall from moral grace, or even the ledge of sanity. It was a little bit corny and fancifully weaved. There wasn't any room for wit because you were determined to make it like an embroidery of metaphorical detail. Decent but not stirred.
YDK - This was cool, and believable which is important. It kept my attention the whole way through, propelled by a solid rhyme scheme. Not the most innovative approach, though it seemed true to your life so why not speak from personal experiences? The "flame spits" part made me cringe (I tried not to, but your opponent is NYCSPITZ and it didn't relate all that much to the verse, but why not?) This was a plainer type of story, however, I did like the read.
My vote goes to YDK.
He pulled off his approach. NYC was velvet cake but it smelled like a car air freshener. Too much meh and not enough YEAH!!1 I didn't find it particularly believable. I know it's hard to sum up a murder story with motives included in a topical that has a line limit. I've seen NYC conquer bigger obstacles. I think maybe the concept was ill-chosen... I'm hard on you, I know. (pause)
|