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Old 01-19-2014, 01:02 PM   #11
Diode
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NYC's painted a beautiful picture that got derailed by the time-jumping underplot. If he had just sat there describing everything the boy sees using his trademark buttery flow and imagery, this could have been up there with the top verses of the round. It felt like he needed to interject a story because this is a topical and "that's just what you do" - but sometimes painting is all you need when you master the feelings, thoughts, and perspective of the subject. Great writing, convoluted/unnecessary story.

YDK wrote a flex piece from the first person perspective. He is clearly not as technically sound as NYC, but he took a different approach than the usual "this is a story look a story twist, swerve, aha, a story!" topical message we usually get. His first lines were an immediate turnoff and strange use of abbreviation took away the flow for me multiple times (you can write "ppl" but not "people"? for serious?). It was as straightforward as these things get with no real nuances or word games. I found it lacking even as a "flex piece" especially given what an extraordinary picture he had to work with.

NYC takes this easy.
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