[Split]

Lol Certain fracking is an oil extraction method. The tanks and machines ran out of oil products.

Pent Up.

you painted one fuck of a scene. you did a splendid job of bringing your story to life... from the general, to familial roles in guerrilla warfare, to the absurdity of the soldiers technology as they stormed the underdeveloped colony's villages. Ammonia vials haha. The theme or themes or motifs are a bit muddled to me. I know milk vs. oil is a strong factor. And the crushing domination of overindustrialized capitalism. The temporary victory also stood out to me... it seemed like a flash frame of Tolstoy's Sebastopol Sketches. I also think your rhymes (only the end rhymes, really) were way choppier than the buttery silk/satin flow you usually deliver.

I enjoyed the read but just don't know how I feel about it in the end.





Diode.

good vs. evil. two dudes climb to the top of very different chains of influence. I think your narrator is the pebble.

a few things bug me. rhythmically this is your best work. Lyrically, not so. Last section was like.... dictionary.com. I know that you didnt use a dictionary, and all the words fit quite naturally in terms of grammar, but... yeah not very approachable. I feel like i know/ use a decent vocab, but allow myself to do so within specific reigns of context... if i figure someone cant figure a word out, i just leave it out or dumb it down.

a lot of your diction was overly stilted. your wording didnt help. one or the other could just take the lead to make your verse more accessible.

not a big complaint ^ in and of itself... but those were a lot of nuanced words for such a simplistic conclusion and themes... overly complex for me. Ill give you that I liked your setting ans consistency. Maybe such a linear story needed a little stronger subplot or more factors, such as more feedback from the general populace in what you were telling us was a very living, communal city


Voting Pent uP. equal takes on the topics, equal in mechanics/ lyricality or whatever, I enjoyed his organic cluster of thematic elements over Diode's fable-esque, moral-driven escapade.

Probably the closest battle this round. Good showing.