Breathless, you should've taken out that first part. It didn't belong here in my mind and without it would've made the whole of your piece a lot better. I loved the first line of the third paragraph about being a warrior and poor. I could totally relate to that with my childhood. All in all this was a good introspective verse. Nothing flashy, just honest and you, which I think is what you were going for.
deadman. Very good verse. As far as the story goes, succinct and to the point. The picture and your verse reminded me a little of the video / song "Not Giving In" by Rudimental and John Newman. Check it out if you have the time. But this was really fluid, kept my attention, and I wanted more of the story. It needed more details to me, a longer storyline, but with a restriction in lines you could only do so much. You did what you could, and well.
Vote, deadman.
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