[PancakeBrah]

Mr. J-

I thought your opening two lines were a bit weak, but you gained steam as you went along. Some of the rhymes were a bit forced and the schemes themselves were a bit generic throughout. I liked the formatting of your verse; it was a character sketch with just enough momentum to be considered a story as well. Although the character sketch elements made up the majority of the verse, which I also like since I prefer them. The concept towards the topic was rather straightforward but that's to be expected with the picture and route you take so that's not too much of a negative in my eyes. The actual content itself was alternating unique and a bit cliche, with the former being more prevalent than the latter. So to say, the good outweighed the bad. I think that goes for the entire verse; I had some issues but overall this was a good piece of writing. I liked the ending in particular.

Witty-

Your opener was better, grabbed the attention of the reader a bit more. Your rhyming throughout the piece was also superior to Mr. J's, but at certain points (especially near the beginning) it seemed to surpass the content in terms of importance. I think your piece picked up from the second stanza onward. The first was too preachy for my taste. Throughout the remainder of the piece I was always more interested in the actual action and content related to the soldier than the philosophical lines about the broader nature of war. The last stanza was my favorite for that exact reason. In the second stanza you introduced the narrative and character but you couldn't help yourself from sprinkling in large chunks of the aforementioned philosophical content and I felt that bogged down your piece. I think you would have been better served by keeping all of the broad commentary in the first stanza and then focusing on the character and narrative for the rest of the piece. I actually liked your ending; as opposed to going the obvious route of a soldier comforting his ally, you went the opposite direction which I didn't expect. But as an overall piece I think this needed a bit more refinement, organization, and direction.

I came into this battle thinking Witty would get my vote. We all have preconceptions going into a battle to vote. But Mr. J took this because of his one-track idea and focus, whereas Witty had the right idea and superior mechanics but tried to do much, in my mind. Good battle fellas.

v/ Mr. J