Netcees - View Single Post - Give a fish a man, and he'll float around him, and eat fish stuff. Teach a fish to man, and he'll take your tax dollars, fuck you in the ass, invade your privacy and shoot your dog if you resist fish arrest.

namix · 01-17-2014, 10:18 PM

lol, this was interesting for sure, and def. a smoother read than expected (while knowing i had no clue what to expect based on the title)

clearly it didnt appear to be planned all too methodically from a plot progression or theme relevance standpoint --- BUT there were still some underlying tones that actually kinda echoed the title lol...

"And opening ups hard. Writing became a lifesaver. Skates of stone broke through the snow during icebreakers"
^^^^ that's actually a really cool bar --- i tend to read more into things than were there by the authors intent at times, but I LOVE how this is conceptually connected at a very detailed level... "Opening ups hard" (like breaking through ice is -- which makes an icebreaker pretty much a triple entendre by the end of the bar).... "Lifesaver" (subtle poetic relevance to the sea as the ice is broken through -- i may be reaching here, but im a lifesavor too)

...and then obv the conclusion, "skates of stone" was solid imagery and reinforces the struggle, almost weight, you carry by NOT opening up... i thought the wording coulda been tightened up a bit here in this bar, it bothered me the most because it was so close to a really fuckin great closer --- it felt like "during icebreakers" was just off a bit... like the skates of stone broke through the snow, you'd expect them to be icebreakers..

I guess i use/hear icebreaker more like "its a good icebreaker" (which skates of stone which went through the snow would be)... rather than "during icebreakers" like the situation icebreakers are being used in... Skates of stone could have worked great for me either way (whether they were good icebreakers or bad ones actually), but that simple usage of "during icebreakers" just changed the landscape literally for me and made that final bar go from A+ to angry A- for some reason haha

i know that was elaborate on one small piece of ya piece, but sometimes breaking the details down of one aspect is more meaningful to the writer than to glaze over the whole piece... but eh, i'll let you be the judge of that haha

good read bro.

01-17-2014, 10:18 PM	#3
namix been that, done there. Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 2,259 Battle Record: 2-1 Accomplishments - OM HOF Rep Power: 85246656	lol, this was interesting for sure, and def. a smoother read than expected (while knowing i had no clue what to expect based on the title) clearly it didnt appear to be planned all too methodically from a plot progression or theme relevance standpoint --- BUT there were still some underlying tones that actually kinda echoed the title lol... "And opening ups hard. Writing became a lifesaver. Skates of stone broke through the snow during icebreakers" ^^^^ that's actually a really cool bar --- i tend to read more into things than were there by the authors intent at times, but I LOVE how this is conceptually connected at a very detailed level... "Opening ups hard" (like breaking through ice is -- which makes an icebreaker pretty much a triple entendre by the end of the bar).... "Lifesaver" (subtle poetic relevance to the sea as the ice is broken through -- i may be reaching here, but im a lifesavor too) ...and then obv the conclusion, "skates of stone" was solid imagery and reinforces the struggle, almost weight, you carry by NOT opening up... i thought the wording coulda been tightened up a bit here in this bar, it bothered me the most because it was so close to a really fuckin great closer --- it felt like "during icebreakers" was just off a bit... like the skates of stone broke through the snow, you'd expect them to be icebreakers.. I guess i use/hear icebreaker more like "its a good icebreaker" (which skates of stone which went through the snow would be)... rather than "during icebreakers" like the situation icebreakers are being used in... Skates of stone could have worked great for me either way (whether they were good icebreakers or bad ones actually), but that simple usage of "during icebreakers" just changed the landscape literally for me and made that final bar go from A+ to angry A- for some reason haha i know that was elaborate on one small piece of ya piece, but sometimes breaking the details down of one aspect is more meaningful to the writer than to glaze over the whole piece... but eh, i'll let you be the judge of that haha good read bro. __________________ well fed.