Pent
Pros: Steady rhyme scheme and buttery flow almost all the way through, offered a unique presentation for a storytelling, offered some unique ideas in specific events (firing ammonia jumps to mind)
Cons: Predictable conceptual direction, some word usage did not rhyme, at least in my dialect (the line ending in visage jumps to mind)
Overall, very solid verse, making the most out the chosen topic. Felt like some lines could have used a bit more polish but I enjoyed the read and some unique ideas that you brought to your storyline.
Diode
Pros: Unique story with strong elements, deep character development, well executed story progression. It was more of a frame by frame description as opposed to the collage of images from Pent. The extended incorporation of the pebble was a nice touch as well.
Cons:The second to last stanza seemed overly wordy after the 'perturbed by prevalence' portion. Definitely took away from the expected sting in the finale.
Overall, I found it to be an elegantly written piece. Creative topic and a thoughtful layout.
Prognosis: I find voting on battles that showcase this level of writing force you to nitpick to the extreme which in turn makes the voter come across as someone looking for something to complain about, and I guess we are.... But I digress. I felt Pent offered a punch with his verse, however he needed to have a few more standout lines and fresh ideas to compete with Diode's fresh take on the concept.
+1 Diode
|