[Objective]

Mr.J: Cool intro, enjoyed the tears-line as it went on. What I didn't enjoy, and usually don't, is ABCABC-rhymestructures because it kinda disrupts the flow. It's hard to pull off and you didn't really do that here in my opinion although I see the out-proud thing as a transition. The trnasition variety to anxiety was a lot better though and the natural progress of the flow in the piece came with ease.

The storytelling itself is fluent and I can follow it easily, there's always plus points to be had for that. But as it goes on I feel you fell in the same trap like you did in the start in terms of the rhymescheme (from window-into), I see what you're trying to do but it disrupts it a bit for me and there was no transition to the next line either. You're probably switching up the flow or something, but I didn't feel that this wasn't the right time for that.

When I was done reading it I really felt that you need some extra cred for going through with such a fluent story throughout. Easy to follow and understand, straight forward and engaging. I actually wanted to see how it went with this man. I guess he wont be put up front although he wants to, too much potential for suicidal tendencies roaming the air, but shit's definitely dope as fuck in terms of the story. There were hiccups in the flow here and there, a couple oneliners that stood out and the verse itself as a whole was pretty cool. Decent job on this one Mr.J.

Witty: Attention grabbing opener, but at the fourth line it disrupted the flow a little bit. Another syllable would have helped that. When you focus this much on flow and rhyme-structure I feel it's important to note as you keep going with that kinda style after ''because...'' as well. I enjoy the progression of the piece but at the last couplet in the first paragraph I kinda disliked that there were no real connection to ''fallen'' in the following line. I enjoy the switch-up in the flow as ''died'' indeed works with the internal in the previous line, but I felt that another connection to ''fallen'' would have made the last couplet 100 times better.

The next paragraph follows the same style and picks up on the rhymescheme from the previous paragraph and you keep it on point throughout, dope shit. The storytelling is cool as fuck too, enjoy where this is going.
Same thing can be said to the next paragraph as well, got nothing to add really.

The last paragraph really wrapped up the story and the closure put the topic to its full potential. You really painted the picture here. Overall a dope, solid drop.

Vote: You guys were given a really famous picture I've stumbled upon plenty of times in my adventures of internet browsing, so it was cool to see it in this context. Although Mr.J really showed he can follow through with great storytelling that kinda shows this dude got mad potential to write short stories as well as verses I felt Witty came out on top in this one. Witty stood out in how he portrayed his story with a great rhymestructure that was 99% on point and had a great twist at the end that you could really tell that he had the topic in mind while writing his piece.

To clarify; Witty gets my vote.