Awwwwh fuck seriously, best battle so far (that I've read, I think theres atleast 2 that I haven't so far.)
Let me break this sucker down. And motherfuckers thought I was zany? Number one fucking voter in this motherfucking bitch give me my props. I run this shit. I have to say, Mike probably has the best verse, in terms of just relating to the topic, and a story told as a caption to the picture, rather than an elongated story. That's what this is aiming for, really? I don't know. I'm not really into topicals. I'm sure, that I can. I'm absolutely positive. But, it's so lame to me...not writing topicals, just, being restricted. Even if it's on my own terms. Anyway, enough about myself.
Mikes topic was written in a nice fashion ( i think certain is so polished, to outshine him in mechanics has to be done by a very, very, very experienced, and better writer, which fortunately and unfortunately, is probably almost impossible to find) Before I start, let me say, this battle was like, this right here.
Absolutely insane FUCKING BONKERS. I need to stop drinking.
Anyway. Mike came with the stuff. At first it started off typically, as I expected him too. And actually, the whole thing wasn't really that much of a mechanical masterpiece, what he did strive in was his ability to tell a nice little movie screenplay story, in rhyme format. He exhibited this well, and I enjoyed it. Crisp, fresh, and to the point. The twist at the end wasnt expected, but it wasn't surprising either. The tragic end met for the character was exhibited through his hallucinative state of consciousness only provoked by over strenuous implications of his lifestyle. Almost like a Vanilly Sky reanimation. It was perfectly drawn out, and actually now that I bring it up, it sort of reminds me of Vanilla Sky. And come to think of it, Mike Wrecka is like a movie topicalist, lol. But anyway, that wasn't the only thing he exhibited, mike had a good stringing of lines throughout the whole way, nothing really over exerted, or forced.
he said, I'm Dr. Chang, and you are a patient under my care,
at this point in the treatment I'd like to make you aware,
you don't have a twin brother, im sorry, its true,
thats just your reflection in the two way mirror we have been observing you through,
we are certainly working to do, everything in our power to help,
let me explain a few weeks ago you were a tower of health,
that became devoured by wealth, all the fortune and fame,
had you living wreckless and drinking, till you didnt remember your name,
then you went mentally insane, after you drove off a bridge,
awakening from acoma thinking you had a siamese twin,
let me try this again, your name is Michael Laford,
you are a famous recording artist that won alot of awards,
it seems that you poured so much into your persona, what im seeing,
is that your mind compartmentalized them into two seperate beings,
and now with the brain truama it seems to have manifested,
that was a doozy, and you spelled trauma wrong. But the way that set in, it seemed so fluid. And it almost had a reminiscence of deadman too it, the way the transitional lines coupled together. Nice.
Overall a stellar verse and it impressed me, story wise, mechanics wise, it was decent and this is where your opponent outshined you considerably.
Certain, this verse was just a masterpiece, but in the other sense, you had bulletpoints, fucking quotes, and everything in here. It was great. What I feel you lacked in, wasnt anything mechanics wise, but moreso the storytelling -- which was good, don't get me wrong, but I feel it didn't tie in as I feel you may have wanted it too. Actually, no, you fit in your structure well. I feel you may have elongated it unintentionally, but that isnt it. Its just the way you write, everything you really write, is set out on a certain template. it had the perfect textbook way of writing to it, really, read like an article, almost. Or moreso a short story.
The difference between you too, was that Mike aims for a more entertaining prose, the story in itself could be a movie. Honestly, I just read it and fell into this daze, I yawned, not out of boredom, but a relaxing yawn, released at the end of reading it with a slight grin on my face. Michael Laford, man fucking michael lafords great. But I felt the ending was too cliche, both of yours, the only fault really. Both ending in a death, haha. I mean, you both went the hollywood route. Certains piece, had to be read atleast 3 times to understand fully, at first, reading it was clear, but I wanted to make sure. I mean the story to picture ratio wasnt as clear as Mikes, and that sort of frustrated me, because the only correlation was the aliens, being, amber/jennifer. I get the correlation between both characters, and the distress entailed. I also understand the apocalyptic allusion, manifested. It just didn't really sit well with me, story wise. Mechanically, yes, in relation to the writer, it was ok, but I don't see the magic of it actually manifesting itself into pure form, and visualizing it just leaves so many ebbs to flowing where my boat doesn't do the floating. I feel the bulletpoints were also a clever tidbit you reinforced through a series of last resort guidelines and restrictions through the near impending doom of the characters.
• The humanoid monsters were aliens, using our brains as a fuel;
• the electrical charge of conversion caused the irradiate hue;
• the people weren't people anymore, empty shells left graceless, consumed;
• and the zombies were, well, zombies, controlled by what their creators bid do.
this was when the tide of the story changed, and you started to expand on the subject and story. but I don't necessarily think, that i got the cusp of it. Uhm, are their aliens, AND zombies, or are aliens the zombies? Are the aliens controlling the zombies, that use our brain as fuel? Or are the aliens using our brain as fuel to stop the zombies from eating our brains, which they so famously do, so that the aliens could fight off the only imposing force, being zombies, in a land which humans formerly inhabited, but were easily chased off from? And Zach is a zombie, I'm assuming, becoming one, by being a human, or a former alien? I mean at the end Amber shoots an alien, so I'm guessing she's a human, and zombies are said to be mindless and just rambling hordes, which they usually are. So my question stands, are aliens/zombies two different identifying bodies? And if they are, well. This goes back to the picture, which, I'm actually -as I'm typing this, am breaking down. Or is that the purpose of it? Damn. This has actually delved deeper than I thought it would. Or maybe I'm looking too into it? But honestly, I'm interested into what it really is, usually I'd just ignore it, since it went over my head, but now it seems to leave a little gap of unknowings.
UNKNOWN UNKNOWNS!
This is great. I'm going certain. It has to be appreciated.