[uh-oh]

ZYG, this is my first time reading your stuff im pretty sure, unless you posted under another name or my weedsmoking has erased it from my memory. this was somewhat entertaining. my main beef is flow, you had nice rhymes though i just havent peeped any text in awhile and your verse is kind of the epitome of what i think of when i think of text. its sacrifice flow for content and cohesiveness of story and what you are trying to say basically. the lines are longer and more descriptive and just kind of rhyme at the end to keep it flowing. you sort of got it going with the reddish cloth schemes metal box etc it was flowing but word. i dunno imo it was an easy read but seems pretty simple and easy. the end was cool for what it is i dig it. i dunno how to critique verses anymore lmao. but yea my main thing is im big on flow and just readability. although your verse didnt flow that well as i read it, it was readable and you kept it moving and cohesive. ended a little abrupt tho i didnt realize they were even near eachother yet, but i guess the sandstorm couldve occured in both places cuz it aint like the other dude got him he just died from exposure basically. but word 800,000 kilometers seems like a pretty big arena but word i gotta stop now. i thought this was ok/cool.

MORDYCAI, this is probably my first time reading your shit too. lets see. yo you lost me. right now your losing points with me cuz i had to stop reading. you got a grasp of good mechanics tho and it reads smooth with the rhyme schemes. im just trying to build a world in my head and failing and then i started thinking about everything other then the verse my eyes were skimming over and reading but not registering. im gonna try and read it again.

theres a ship out at sea. a storm hits. somehow this dude survived no one else did. he's left survival instructions stating the obvious. he's in a bleak desert. he's losing it and dying. and thats kind of it. if there are metaphors and hidden meanings they flew over my simpleton mind. you lost me honestly when he found a carcass. you just went off rhyming and saying shit that went over my head and seemed like it added nothing. yea the whole end lost me

while mordycai got more technical with it, zyg's story was much easier to engage with, and nothing was really forced. mordycai you kind of tried to be on some deep shit and failed, or succeeded and its just too deep for me to comprehend. which is very possible. but since i didnt get it i gotta go with zyg on this one

which is weird, reading his verse and seeing his record i was like wtf? is he battling anyone half decent? basically i wasnt impressed. but his was better overall

so word zyg in the future be more technical and dope with your mechanics, you understand rhyming you just need to string together and put more thought into the inners and regular words getting you to the rhymes and helping accentuate and move everything alone. mordycai you basically need to not force it so much and let it come naturally. you probably wrote this quick you had some dope couplets and you understand everything i would just try and be more blatant with your meanings and explanations instead of being vague to sound all extra smart

vote - zyg