[big baby]

Originally Posted by Genocide

needs a twist on it man. the emotion is there... but its very bland writing. something is missing -needs more wit and some wordplay IMO. but this could be a very promising verse if you tweaked it a little man. enjoyed it for the realness it holds

I understand your point of view. Sooner than later youll learn to appreciate raw emotion a bit more than this post suggested. I know writers thatll do what you insisted and they can, but it requires a heavy, knowledge and skillset. Deadman is the same, very little wordplay on his end. He doesnt need it, he just conveys a certain knowledge and skillset. This was very relatable. Though like you said not the greatest in terms of translating other than generalized cliche, unfortunate circumstantial emotions such as these. This wasn't hemingway prose, indeed not, this was just writing seeping from his hearts string. So to say