[Fig]

Frank:
well this was a doozy. I enjoyed the shit out of it. content wise, pretty fuckin dense, and sometimes it seemed scrambled, but you pinned it all down in the end with a conceptually riveting idea that was in the same lane of things stoners like to talk about. Youre a little more articulate than stoners though. The themes I saw in this had to do with visceral detachment from nature through a focus on intellect, or ego

We are the spirits of the earth’s collective consciousness. Group Atmospheric.
Humming of cumin and turmeric. Ushering in the new era removed from the clearance -
There’s a huge interference, their saying you shouldn’t hear this – Humanitarianism - the hue of adherence

Nearly heavenly, Navigating, the distance of Air-heads to their emotions can be refreshingly mentally - telepathy
A steady illumination is taking place and a friendly beam is being thrown on the face of idiocracy
Light on government and politics through experiments and the study of great and basic ideologies
Light on the material nature of the world through all the many branches of sciences Bahrain tree;

dope. the air head label is like a double entendre; airhead because of the lacking visceral filament, so to speak, with the only focus on intellectual framework, and in that way, stupid. Love the bahrian tree analogy.

Light on humanity itself through education, psychology and philosophy
This light is spreading vibrantly to the very darkest places in our planet and its many forms of life -
You see - we are capable of great extremes. Embody Galactic Alignment, and Peak
Our world is ever fascinating, but complete understanding of it is always just out of your reach.

the turning point.

Able to live life through their head

whose head?

- maintaining happy disposition, Bubbly
Handling heavy subjects with subtle indifference, comfy on cloud 9’s puffy umbilicus

the umbilicus reference is concise, being that it is something very intimate from nature, and youre describing a society that is growing independent from it.

Emotions have a way of holding people down -
Reverse Gravitational Pull

basically the same idea as the line before. pretty good.

I wish the ending was as fleshed out as all writing proceeding it was. How you got there was very cool, not to say the ending wasnt good. And another thing mister Frank, usually I let your extended bar steeze pass but it wasnt working for me this time. alright. good verse.

cake:
alright this week cake decided to write about chyeahhh. well it worked and this was a nicely refined, structurally sound, and completely fleshed out story. great character development couped with an underlying cynicism that made for a slightly comedic effect at the end.

Hair coiffed, angled. Crisp, the smile of a model with hazel eyes,
as he exited his squared off chambers and uncapped bottle of maple rye.
Reverend Knowles. He assumed the pulpit in a heavy set of robes,
took a breath, then let it go.

coiffed. great imagery especially in the last two lines. really brings beyonce to life. but really knowles was a funny name choice.

“Welcome!” to the crowded pews, to each successive row.
“As you know, our very cells hold computerized self-correcting code,
and on our collective road we finally arrive, tonight, at our compression goal.”

not too sure what reason was given for the mass suicide. Is it at the point that reads The digital text spoke of an endgame? anyways, the suicide thing isnt out of the ordinary for cults i know but, maybe i just didnt pick up on the specific reasoning.

He lifts his glass, causing the congregated mass to follow,
each containing maple rye and a dissolvable tab to swallow.
“Drink with me! To rapture! Together, as enlightened, connected souls.”
Mark drank his with a smile. Eyes closed as the concoction hit his teeth.
As the poison made him nod out, right before it’d get to his heart
he was assured of his route, like the dozens by him. And before he’d give to the sleep
he cracked one last smile at all those idiot sheep still living in the dark.

i cracked a smile when I read this. am i dead? very appropriate ending. easily my favorite part of the piece, where as a lot of stories written on this site end on a weaker note.

I am torn here. I think the problem is that conceptually, my interest gravitates more towards franks piece, but cakes piece is more refined and concise in professing its themes. I suppose Franks piece makes for a greater om drop, but in this battle, I have cake taking the cake

V/ Pancakebrah