anyone who's ever had a close, lifelong homie who becomes toxic and self-destructive as you grow up can relate heavily to what you're saying.
it almost hurt me to read this ex. mostly effective writing and a powerful topic to speak on imo
but yo rubix cube liquor? really?
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pour me over ice and watch as I dissolve em'
im the reason for your jobs end and why you neva went to college...
I'm why you lack the knowledge to actually hold a real relationship…
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the hardships that past since your kindergarden class
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this was my favorite. gave everything a sense of depth. if we could see the future we'd never get out of bed…as they say
i think you are too wordy with some of your content for lack of a better way to phrase it. for instance the use of the word 'actually' in this last bar was unnecessary and convoluted the line. there were a couple other spots as well.
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your real family didnt even want you so how come you lost ya bearings?…
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absolutely not carin', blood and tears flooded more than ya carpet, damn…
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needed an adjustment for sure but you had the potential for a strong image here.
to be clear, not suggesting you just omit those specific words and leave it. there's just more useful language you could be using to communicate your thoughts and words like actually and even and whatever actually only serve to drag even your content down.
looking forward to reading more
thanks
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