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Old 01-11-2014, 02:13 PM   #4
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how is a kid passed around like candy? this just doesn't make sense at all, unless you speaking of child sex trafficing, I found this a little disturbing.

"I'm a kid that's been abandoned by his only family
I been passed from home to home like i was candy"

something else that didn't seem to make sense

"A soul that's broke and soaked in loathe & sadness
A heart that knows no love and no I can't imagine"

loathe is a verb not a noun
therefore it should be more like this "soaked in self loathe"
the hate is directed toward a noun
I hope this helps.

The structure and flow seemed pretty good but I think you could have done better here. Overall I would say you can do better but it still sounds pretty good.
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