Ok man...I don't wanna be comin' down on you hard everytime I comment on sumthin' of yours but yeah, this wasn't good.For starters I'd suggest maybe lenghtenin' your lines a little so it doesn't read so stop/start...not sayin' stretch the fuck outta them but the way you've structured this - two of your lines could be one...imo that may help your flow or atleast not make it read choppy and all.Secondly your content is extremely basic, simple is cool don't get me wrong but there's nothin' really happenin' that makes your words have impact, I don't have a problem with simplicity just have a problem with it lackin' real substance...would also like you to mess around with some different schemes, predictability isn't always what the reader wants..changin' things up can be refreshin' if not rewardin' bro so stick at it.
& stay upwards.
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